It Wasn't A Dream
by B.Bridgewater
Summary: Ymir's been having trouble sleeping ever since that day, mostly because of mysterious pains. Now, she can't take it anymore and she's come up with a plan to stop them once and for all. It's crazy, but you know what, she's crazy. Oneshot Takes place sometime after Chapter 51 and mostly written from Ymir's POV, so there will be lot's of swearing.


**Author's Note: **_I know I'm supposed to be working on __**My Secret To Keep**__ right now, but this weekend I was struck by inspiration so strong I had to write this! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this! It's my first time writing in first person so please be lenient. Also, it changes from Ymir's POV to Historia's POV after the divider (You'll see what I mean when you get there). Also, I know this story is a little late, but humor me. Enough rambling :) _

~o _**It Wasn't A Dream **_o~

"Damn it!"

It's that same damned pain again. It's been a whole week and it still hasn't healed. These titan powers aren't worth shit!

I don't know why I bother to grab my chest when I feel it, it doesn't help a thing. It still hurts like hell! Maybe it's a reflex or something? Whatever. Point is, that pain woke me up and now I can't get back to sleep. Well, not like I care anyway, I wasn't even dreaming. It was just dark. Just... black.

I looked around to find Reiner and Bertholdt still sleeping, looking about as peaceful as any fugitive sleeping in a big hard-ass tree would I suppose. Well, I guess I have some quiet time to myself.

Since I'm already up, I guess I'll go take a look around. Though, there isn't much to see right now since it's still night. We decided to rest pretty late in the evening too, I must have only slept for about two- maybe even three hours. Yea, this has become a regular thing. Sleeping for a few hours before that stupid pain wakes me up.

I couldn't help but look at Reiner and Bertholdt again. I'm a bit jealous. I wish I could sleep as soundly as that, even if they had those wretchedly uncomfortable expressions etched on their face. At least they could sleep. At least they were...

_"Get ahold of yourself!"_

I gave myself a mental slap.

Since when does being alone bug me anyway? I've always been alone. Always...

I get struck by the pain again, this time more intensely. I don't want to wake those two, so I decided to clench my teeth, though I couldn't stop the hiss from slipping out. When this pain hits me, I can't even stand on my own two feet. I got down on my knees, waiting for the pain to subside. Breathing in and out, I eventually willed myself to stand again.

I hate it, every time I think about her this happens! Every time.

I guess I am thinking about her a lot recently. I guess... I've always thought about her a lot. Too much. She was always on my mind.

Looking over past the tree brush and branches, I can still see the wall. I feel like we haven't made much progress since that day. I wonder if Reiner and Bert are still hesitating. I can't blame them I guess. It's hard to leave everything behind, _twice_. It's even harder to go back when you haven't completed your mission. Well, I guess if they come back with me, it should be alright. And this way, _she_ can still live peacefully inside the walls.

...Maybe...

Damn. I can't believe I'm still second guessing myself. This is the best thing for her, and for me. Crap, now even my stomach feels uneasy. I hate this! I can't be sure of anything when it comes to her.

What if things go wrong? If Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie were all sent just to retrieve her, the village must be getting desperate. Who's to say that when we get back, someone else won't be sent in their place? What if they already sent someone?

Damn it! Fucking damn it! I'm over-thinking this! Of course I'll end up thinking up the worst case scenarios right now. I need to calm down, otherwise my head's gonna pop.

Just cool down...

I'm lucky that it's nighttime. This cold air is really helping me out right now. I guess it'll be better for me to sit here too, it should help me relax.

I remember when I got really pissed, and she'd hold my hand and smile up at me like an idiot. That lil' shortie. Ha! I have to laugh every time I think of her goofy smiling face. Or how heavy she'd blush when I joked around and asked her to marry me.

Yea, joked...

Why am I thinking about her again? It hurts but I can't stop smiling right now. I must be an idiot. She made me stupid. It rubbed off on me or something, now I'm an idiot, too.

...

I miss her.

As much as I hate, and I mean _hate_, to admit it, I miss her. I miss her stuttering with a bright red face whenever I propose. I miss her stupidly indiscriminate kindness. I miss- To cut this sappy moment short, I miss her like crazy right now.

Suddenly, I get this wild, crazy idea. Now I'm sure I'm an idiot. It's too dangerous. It's too reckless. It's too selfish. It... totally suits me actually. Maybe I will.

Taking one last look at Reiner and Bertholdt, both snoring away in a deep sleep, I made up my mind. I'm gonna do it. _I have to do it_. If I'm going to live at peace with myself, I have to. There are some things even titan powers can't heal, but I think I know how to stop this pain, this worrying, this over-thinking - everything, in one foul swoop. It's now or never.

Standing to my feet and totally determined, I decided my first move- Get as far away from here on foot as possible. I can't transform here, it'll wake Bert and the blockhead. They can't know what I'm about to do.

So I ran, I climbed, I jumped, whatever I had to do to get away as quietly as possible. When I finally got a good distance away, I figured it was time to transform. It'll be a lot quicker this way.

So making my way through the trees, I'm moving with one goal in sight. The wall. I have to get back over it, just one last time. I can feel the occasional drip of water, and I end up cursing my bad timing. Still, now or never.

I know there has to be at least a few stationed guards on the walls. Then again, knowing those stationary guards, they're all probably asleep, knowing that regular titans don't move at night. Erwin is probably out of commission right now, even a monster like him can't still be moving about easily after losing an arm, he's (supposedly) human after all. He probably hasn't given any orders like mandatory round-the-clock wall surveillance yet.

I was right. Only one guard station still has lights on, meaning only one is currently active. Avoiding that spot, I launched myself over the wall. Who knows who can see me right now. How many soldiers just witnessed that? Now's not the time to sweat the little details. I made it to one of the underground tunnels, possibly undetected, and went back to human form there, that way no one would see the steam and hear the hiss of it.

At this point, I can't afford to mess up. I guess I should ditch this military garb for now. It's best to move around like a regular citizen. I _have_ to get to her and I don't want to run into any problems.

Why am I going through all this trouble? Because I have to. It's as simple as that. I have no idea where she is right now, but I will find her.

I never realized how quiet this town was at night. People here are so boring. I want to get out of this town as soon as possible before I get bored to tears. Aside from the homeless and the occasional straggler, no one was out. Everyone was already tucked into bed, acting like they had a world of problems to worry about.

They make me sick. People make me sick.

Right now, there are soldiers that can't sleep a wink because of what they've seen, what they've lost, trying to protect a bunch of ungrateful fuckers. That's why I hate people. Everyone.

Except her. She's different.

Wait. Where am I going? It's like this whole time I've been moving on my own, despite the fact I have no clue where she is right now. They could be anywhere. In fact, they're probably hiding her extra well right now. Still, I feel like I know where I'm going.

I know I sound stupid right now, but I feel like I'm being pulled in this direction. I _feel_ like I'm going the right way. I ended up at some building I never noticed before. It's two stories high, but otherwise looks really plain. Too plain.

She _has _to be there. I _know _she's there. _Up_ there. On the second floor. There's a tree not too far from one of the windows. That's how I'll get to her.

I'm so damn glad that it's night right now and no one can see me climbing this tree like a fucking monkey. I'm going to hate this tomorrow, but for now I'll wing it.

I can feel my heart clenching tighter and tighter the closer I get to her. I'm kind of excited. And anxious. This feels amazing!

When I got to the edge of the branch, I realized there's a bit of a leap between where I am and the window. Not to mention the window is closed. Doesn't mean I can't get in though. Just makes the challenge more fun! Especially since I know she's on the other side. I have no reason to turn around now. Not even this rain can change my mind.

Rain?

Shit, when did it start raining like this? Did I walk through this? I'm soaked.

Ah, who cares.

As careful as I could manage, I stretched over to the balcony of the window. If I slip, it's over. They'll hear it, someone will wake up, and I'll get caught. Can't afford for that to happen.

I barely made it. As quietly as I could, I opened the window latch.

There she is.

My heart started beating so loud, I'm scared I'll wake her. I must be stupid. Coming all this way, going through all this trouble, and I'm not even going to wake her.

I feel like I've been walking forever since I got in this room, my eyes just glued on her. I can't look away. I'm so weird. I found a chair in the corner of the room and pulled it up right next to her bed. No way am I gonna just sneak a peek and run away, I'm not a pervert. Even if I look like one, sitting here after sneaking through a small sleeping girl's window during the night...

"Ymir..." I heard her small, uneasy voice crack. She's still sleeping though.

She's dreaming of me?

She doesn't look happy. I don't think I've ever seen her look like that before. This is my fault isn't it?

Damn! This pain is suddenly unbearable! But this time I didn't grab my chest. Instead, my hand moved over her face, moving some soft, blonde strands and tucking them behind her ear. Instantly, her expression changed. For some reason, my throat went dry when she smiled at me. She looks... like an angel.

God, she's beautiful!

...I can't believe I just thought that.

Anyway, I think it's time for me to go. I feel like I've been here for over an hour. I think when I glanced at the clock it was about- Shit, it's only been five minutes?

"Ymir." She called my name again, but this time her eyes started to open.

Damn, I'm gonna get caught. But, I don't feel like running away. I actually want her to see me. I'm being selfish again.

"I'm here." Why am I answering her?

She looked over at me. I can tell her tired eyes are barely registering me.

"Oh, I'm dreaming." It hurt to hear her say that for some reason.

She looked so happy now. So different than she did a few moments ago. Why did she look like that? If it was my fault, why does she suddenly look so happy to see me? I can't help but touch her face; her soft, smooth skin, as if I'll get some answer by doing that.

Her smile got wider and I'm pretty sure I started smiling too.

"Ymir, I miss you.", she breathed quietly, almost painfully.

This is literally killing me! "I miss you, too." I can't believe I just admitted that! How does she make me do these things? But God, her smile! I can't help it!

...But, that's enough isn't it?

I can't let this go on much longer, otherwise I'll never be able to leave. I already don't want to leave. I wish I could stay like this forever. Maybe I can. Maybe... no. I shook my head to knock that thought out. It's too dangerous to start thinking like that.

"I have to go now." This should be okay right? She already thinks she's just dreaming. I can just leave.

From the moment I get up, I can feel her eyes stuck on me. When I put the chair back where I found it, she was still watching me. As I made my way toward the window, I can still feel her eyes on my back, until finally-

"Ymir." She called me again. I didn't plan to turn around this time though, so I was still heading out the window. "I love you."

...

...

...

What?

Did she just say what I think she said?

Nah, I must be hearing things.

"I love you, Ymir."

...

Fuck.

No fucking way. Not possible... But I'm sure this time that's what she said.

She loves me? Why? I knew she was an idiot, but to be that goddamn stupid... Shit. Why'd she say that? Now my body is refusing to leave.

I look over at her, and she's peering over at me, her face partially hooded by the blanket and... she looks weird. She looks anxious, scared, lonely, sad, and above all vulnerable. In a nut shell, she looks how I feel. Right now my heart's doing somersaults in my chest and my stomach's doing back-flips in my gut. I stood there for what felt like an eternity but must have only been a few seconds, just stunned.

"Please don't leave me again." Her voice cracked into a sob. I can see little glimmers escape her eyes and roll down her cheeks. She's crying.

I can feel myself breaking down. Like my heart just fucked up a somersault and got messed up, bad. Like my stomach missed the landing on the last back-flip and sank. I feel like shit. What was this supposed to make better?

"I- I have to." I'm hesitating now. "I don't want to, but- I have to."

"Why?" It's obvious she's crying this time. She's not even trying to cover it up. "Just come back Ymir. Please."

"I can't." I feel like I'm more trying to convince myself than her. "I can't!" I got a little louder than I expected, I hope I didn't alert anyone.

There was an awkward silence. All I could hear was my heart beating in my ear. She keeps opening her mouth and closing it again as if she's struggling to decide on what to say. I can't blame her. My mind's a mess too right now.

Finally, she spoke again, clearer this time, more solemn but at the same time, somewhat pleading. "Then, just tonight... stay with me?"

I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. Like, I _really_ shouldn't. Then again, I _shouldn't_ have left Reiner and Bertholdt. I _shouldn't_ have come back over the wall. I _shouldn't_ have come here to see her. But I did. Doing one more thing I shouldn't can't be a problem.

"Fine." I tried to sound stubborn, but I really wanted to stay. I hope she couldn't hear that though.

I went up to the bed, but I hesitated. I'm getting a little too ahead of myself. As if she could hear what I was thinking, she clears a space on the bed and looks up at me expectantly. I don't know what I ended up swallowing but I nearly choked on it.

I sat on the edge of the bed to take my shoes off, then my socks, then I laid next to her. I made sure to leave a bit of a distance between us. We end up just looking at each other, making weird expressions, not knowing how to react to this even weirder situation.

Suddenly, I feel her small hand on my face, her fingers gliding gently across my freckles. She always liked doing that. She was always so fascinated with them and I still don't understand why. Still, it felt good so I always let her, even now.

"You're soaked.", she pointed out what should have been obvious, but honestly I had forgotten. She moved her fingers through my hair like she was examining just how wet it was. I have to admit, I'm a little embarrassed.

"I got caught in the rain, sorry."

She doesn't look like she wants me to move though. In fact, she closed the space I left between us. She put her arms around my waist and tucked her head into my shoulder. She's so close... I can feel her breath on my neck.

Damn! I feel like I'm going crazy here. By the look on her face, she doesn't seem too calm either. I can feel an extra heartbeat. Hers. It's beating so fast I'm scared it might pop. Without even meaning to, I pull her closer to me to the point where there's absolutely nothing between us except our clothes. She feels so warm.

"Ymir." I love hearing her call my name. "I wish this was real. I wish you were real."

_I am real_. I want to tell her. I want to tell her that this isn't all just a dream. But I can't. So instead, I did something stupid. I don't know why I did. I don't know what possessed me to do it. But I did it.

Without saying anything, I pressed a kiss on her forehead. A small one. A soft one. But definitely a kiss nonetheless. It's so weird because I've never done that before, but suddenly I just wanted to.

When I pulled back after a few seconds, I was met with wide blue eyes. I may have just woken her up since she was half-asleep the whole time. I hope not though. It would be easier for her when I go if she thinks I'm just a dream. It's easier to say goodbye to a dream.

Crap. Not only have I gone soft, but now I'm cheesy too. I'm soft cheese. Ha!

"I love that."

"Huh." She caught me off guard. I almost thought she meant my stupid joke.

"When you smile like that." She traced my mouth with her thumb. God, I'm losing my mind here! "Well, it's more of a smirk, but the point is I love it."

The whole time she was talking, her face was moving closer and closer to mine. I can feel her uneasy, uneven breaths on my lips. Her hands start to grip the cloth on my back tightly. Her eyes close slowly and it feels like everything is happening in slow motion.

Suddenly, it was like an anxious rhythm in my head went silent. Total silence.

The moment our lips touch, it was like the world around us melted away. Nothing else matters right now. I just have to focus on those soft, sweet lips of hers. I just have to focus on the small body in my arms. I just have to focus on her... and nothing else. Just her. She's all that matters to me.

Her hands move to the back of my neck and mine move to the small of her back, extra cautious not to dip any lower out of fear of starting something I won't be able to finish. Neither of us wants to pull away but the need for air is a powerful one indeed. So slowly, but surely, we pulled back. Her face is completely flushed over. I'm sure mine is too, as fucking embarrassing as that is. But you know what, I don't feel embarrassed for her to see me like this. She caused this in the first place. I want her to know what she does to me.

She gives me another kiss, this time a quick peck on my jaw, and flashes me her usual gentle smile. Then, she returned to her original spot, her head tucked comfortably back into my shoulder with my arms wrapped securely around her waist. I can feel her breathing get slower... and softer... until soon-

She fell asleep I think.

I don't _have_ to leave yet though. Reiner and Bertholdt are both gonna sleep 'till the sun comes up. I don't think anyone will be coming in here for awhile. I think I'm safe to stay here a bit longer. I can't stop smiling even as I doze off to sleep.

...

It was more like a power nap really. Looking up at the clock, I see that three hours have passed. I'm not an idiot. I've overstayed my visit. It's time to run off now.

I tried to move as fluidly and easily as I could manage without waking her.

_"I love you Ymir." _I felt her whisper into my neck mid-breath. She was still sound asleep though.

Gently, I moved my arms from around her, then I moved hers from around me. Getting out the bed I felt guilty, so after I slipped on my shoes I knelt in front of her bed and took one last look at her. I felt her face one last time. I placed one last kiss on her cheek.

_"I love you too, Historia."_ I confessed for the first and possibly last time.

And I left.

Back down the tree, through the town, back into the tunnel to get my uniform back and transform, and over the wall. Eventually, I made it back to the camp out area and I finished sleep there. Thankfully, Reiner and Bert were still sleeping when I arrived.

...

"You look well rested." Bertholdt yawned with a stretch.

"Yea, I feel good." I'm sure I'm still smiling from last night, but I'm trying not to be too obvious.

"You normally look like death. I'm glad you're finally getting some sleep." I know he means well, but that wording at the beginning...

Still, I feel too amazing to care right now! Last night wasn't an absolute success, I can still feel the pain in my chest. But you know what, it was damn worth it! I almost want to do it again! In fact, maybe I will! Maybe...

I guess that would be too selfish though...

~oOo~

…

It's morning already? That dream last night was amazing! It felt so real!

"Did you have a good dream last night?" I didn't even realize that someone else was in the room with me, much less Sasha. I may have jumped a bit just now. It's almost like she read my mind.

"Why do you ask?"

"When you woke up you seemed very happy. You haven't smiled like that since-"

"Oh." I didn't want to be reminded. Still, I was smiling? Well, I guess that makes sense.

There was an awkward silence between us. I didn't really feel like speaking, I had no reason to. So I just watch her go about inspecting the room for some reason.

"Your window is open." Sure enough it was true. But, I'm sure I closed it before I went to bed. "It's dangerous, you shouldn't forget to close this." She walked over, pulled the window close, and latched it. "There's a puddle here too, it must have rained last night."

Rain? Didn't _she_ say something about that?

"_I got caught in the rain, sorry."_

No. It couldn't be. It's just a coincidence.

"The cushion on this chair here is wet too, the wind must have been strong." I didn't notice when Sasha went from one end of the room to the other.

That's not possible. The wind couldn't be _that_ strong. I would have woken up, especially if the window was open. I had to check it out myself, so I felt the cushion. I can't believe it though.

The chair, too. Didn't she sit there?

Without even thinking I run back to my bed.

"_You're soaked."_

"_I got caught in the rain, sorry."_

That one little dialogue keeps replaying in my head. If it was real, if she was here...

It's damp! The sheet is damp! The pillow is cold like it had been damp! The point is, something wet was here! I can feel the excitement bubbling up in my chest. It's possible right? It probably isn't, but I want to believe it is. I don't even know why I ended up pulling the sheets to my chest like that. Maybe I thought it would calm me down a bit.

"_Ymir."_ I couldn't help but mutter her name.

Wait.

What was that last thing she said? I'm racking my brain, trying my hardest to remember. I could barely hear it. It was barely above a whisper.

"_I love you too, Historia."_

…

She _loves_ me?

She loves me?

She loves me.

…

I pulled the sheets over my face. I don't want Sasha to see me blushing as brightly as I probably was. When I got myself to calm down, I turned to see Sasha in the doorway, smiling from ear-to-ear for some reason.

"So, what did ya dream about?" She sounded like a little kid gossiping over a crush. If I actually responded to her, I probably would have sounded like that too.

Eventually, I found a proper answer. "Nothing."

It wasn't a dream.

**~oOo~**


End file.
